Life surrendered

Hello my friends! I have not completely disappeared! I am still here, just so very busy with life right now. I hope to have a new recipe up very soon! I have ideas rolling around up there….just need to find a little time…..

My last post was all about hospital food and I touched on my moms hospitalization. I am thankful to say that she is out now and recovering at home. It has been quite a journey for her, but she is making progress each day. I am believing she is going to be even better than before she had this infection! She will be restored to wholeness!! “Behold, I will open your graves and cause you to come up out of your graves, My people; and I will bring you into the land of Israel. 13 Then you will know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves and caused you to come up out of your graves, My people. 14 I will put My Lord, have spoken and done it,” declares the Lord.’”

Through this whole ordeal I have come learned some lessons.

One, THM is really such a blessing. My moms issues are due to diabetes getting out of control, I have now seen the ravages of this disease when it goes unchecked first hand. It’s horrible.

Two,  the importance of controlling our blood sugar has become quite real to me. It’s so easy to ignore it and pretend we are not really damaging our bodies when we flood it with sugary foods and see no real affect other than a sugar high and the crash that comes after. It’s easy to think that’s it, no damage done. It’s easy to be in denial. The reality? You could lose your life. It’s that simple. It will kill you if you let it go and fail to take care of it. For me, THM is for life. A healthy life.

Three, it’s a beautifully humbling thing to reach out to friends to help you through difficult times. It’s so easy to be the one to always be there for others. To come to everyone elses aid, to be the one others can lean on. Boy, it’s such a different thing to admit that I am not able to do it all and I need help. I have beautiful friends and I am so blessed. I had friends come to the hospital with me when my mom first went in. I had friends and my AMAZING son help get my mom home when I was unable to. Her care was given freely by dear friends in her first few days at home and the rest of her care was provided through dear friends recommendations. Amazing. Truly, so amazing.

Four, God is in control. This has been the biggest lesson I have received this year. The weekend my mom was discharged from the hospital was the weekend my husband and I went away to our conference. I was so conflicted, part of me felt I should definitely stay and help my mom, everyone else, including my mom insisted I go away for our trip. Such a hard thing to do. We left Friday morning, about an hour into the 4.5 hour drive I received that call that she was being discharged! I had hoped they would keep her at the hospital over the weekend, but nope, she was coming home! Thank God for cell phones. I spent the next couple of hours coordinating care for my mom and helping as much as I could by phone. My 19 year old son stepped up in an incredible way. He picked his grandma up from the hospital, learned home care from the nurses, coordinated all needed extras for her and made phone calls to those who could come and help him. He was truly amazing. This young man stepped in and handled the whole situation with such incredible maturity. I am so proud as you can imagine. Because I was absent and not able to be here to manage everything, I was able to see God’s hand at work. Others, such as my amazing son and precious friends, were able to step up and shine, to show the skills they have and the opportunity to bless my mom. I cannot do it all, I am not God. It was a wonderful reminder. Truthfully, in my absence, everything was handled, my moms care was not lacking and so many people were able to come and show their love for my family and my mom. It’s such a blessing to see that and a reminder that we are not alone. It’s good to step away and allow God space to work. I miss His hand working when I am so busy moving my own. He has been so good to us.

Five, Surrender. Four leads me to my main lesson that God has been teaching me. Surrender. It is what I am working on. Completely surrendering to God and His will. While at the conference we visited with a dear friend we only see every few years. We had a lovely talk and he told me I needed to surrender to find shalom. I have since been praying about surrendering. My friend also told me to go and read Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord;  And He will give you the desires of your heart.” At first I was not sure why he gave me this verse, now I understand. I have been asking the Lord to help me find shalom for my soul through life’s ups and downs, that is the true desire of my heart. I am now giving Him the first part of my day even before I reach for my phone or my feet hit the ground. I am delighting myself first in Him each day and remembering Him each night as I drift off to sleep. He is my delight and He is giving me my desire, the ability to surrender to His will. It’s been an incredible journey for me, and I am in awe of how He continually works in my life. I have spent so long struggling to be free when all I had to do was let go and surrender. I feel like I was Jacob wrestling an opponent I could never defeat, why did I struggle so long? Now that I surrendered, I am feeling free in a way I have never experienced before. <3 I pray my walk will forever be changed and obvious to all who see me.

So, for now, I have been learning how to coordinate caregivers schedules, learn how to do payroll, plan THM meals for both my family and my mom. I have been able to see my mom a lot and get to know some pretty incredible people. Caregivers are a unique group of folks, beautiful hearts, their job is to not only take care of the physical needs but so far, from what I have seen, they really are there to also LOVE people. To give their hearts and their love to people in need of care.

It’s a beautiful thing.

With joy ~ Tina